Little Ellen is a beautiful little girl. I saw her about an hour ago in the NICU. One correction already - she was 3 pounds 10 ounces (I put 11 ounces on Facebook). She has some very small breathing tubes and an even small feeding tube, but they tell me she's doing well. She does have a good voice as she made it clear she did not appreciate the tubes coming out of her nose - very uncomfortable. So we sang a duet together. She is a beauty. They say she'll be here anywhere from 3 to 8 weeks, depending on her lung capacity and weight gain. Jeanine is quite nauseous from the pain med and the anesthesiology. But she's also a beauty. Early reports indicate she'll be here until Saturday (St. Joseph's, Paterson). I also spent a few moments with Lilly who also is a beauty.
What a day. How can one express such joy and grief at the same time? I'm not sure. Probably that will come in the next few days and weeks. The whole day has been a blur that we haven't had much time to process - celebrating life and preparing for a funeral at the same time.
What happened? We had our weekly Wednesday visit this morning at 9:45. On the way in we talked about needing to get Jeanine's bag ready and in the car. Little did we know we'd need it today. Into the ultrasound room where it was immediately evident something was not right. Baby A - now Ellen - had no amniotic fluid but did have a heartbeat. Baby B - Lillian - had fluid but no heartbeat. Alison (ultrasound friend) brought Dr. Garber in who confirmed what we feared and sent us to the hospital to be delivered. Somehow something ruptured...no one really knows what...but it happened in the last 24 hours...and so it was time to get Ellen out. So off we went and by 1 PM he was ready to deliver. Dr. Garber and all the people at the clinic seemed very upset - we have come to know and love them for the care they've given us over the last several months. It was a hard thing for all of us.
But God is good, we have no doubt. We trust him with life and death. We have experienced tremendous peace today and pray for the same tomorrow. And we'll keep you posted. Thanks for your love and prayers and support. Our nurse today said she can tell we are Christians. We can tell we are surrounded by you. Thank you.
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We join our prayers with many others - we love you all, and share both your joy and your sorrow.
ReplyDeleteJacie and Andy
My sympathy to you all of your loss. But my great congratulations to you on the birth of Ellen! I will continue to keep you all in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteWe will keep praying and share both your joy and sorrow .Our god is good and I pray he will be with your familytoday and in the days ahead. Love to all.
ReplyDeleteOh, friends... Tim and I were just listening to a sermon by Tim Keller on death... and he called it - for Christians - an extreme balance (I think that was the adjective he used) of grief and hope... not a balance that keeps you in the middle of the two - but an extreme balance in which you hold both emotions fully and simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteAn extreme balance - never truer than now.
With deep sadness and deep happiness,
Heidi and Family
Wish I was there to give you a big hug...We will be praying for you these next couple of days as your emotions change. Glad to hear that Ellen is doing well and your are enjoying her sweet little face. May God continue to surround you with his love in this time of sorrow and happiness. Love Ya!
ReplyDeleteTanya and Family
tears....and hugs & love to you both
ReplyDeleteSharing the sorrowful tears and the overwhelming love this day has brought, offering prayers of gratitude that our almighty heavenly Father is in control and able to carry each of you (and all who love you) through such pain and sorrow even with blessed joy. Sending this with love - and promising continued prayers, Aunt Joyce
ReplyDeleteJeanine & Craig,
ReplyDeleteWe're grieving with you and also rejoicing for Ellen. May you be comforted and uplifted by our prayers.
The Van Zante family
Jeanine & Craig
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know that the six S Fopma's are shedding both tears of joy and sadness with you today. God's Strength is Perfect when our strength is gone - it is our sincere prayer and belief that God's perfect strength will be with you these next days.
Uncle Steve, Aunt Sharon and Kids
Jeanine and Craig and Family
ReplyDeleteKeeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. May you feel the loving arms of God around you.
We are also very thankful for little Ellen, Congratulations,Love you all
Fred and Sandy
grieving and celebrating with you. praying for all! dani
ReplyDeleteCraig and Jeanine,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the birth of Ellen. She is a beautiful baby girl. So sorry to hear that Lilly passed away. What a day you two had yesterday - shock, joy and sorrow all together. It is amazing to see the grace that God gives to go through pain which you yourself could not see your way through. We will pray that God will continue to give you that peace and grace to make it through seeing His goodness all the way. We will also pray that He will give you the energy to meet the demands and thoroughly enjoy you beautiful new baby girl. Love you all! Welcome to the world Ellen! Love Tim, Marge,
Briana and William
Vander Brug
Jeanine and Craig,
ReplyDeleteThe Steenhoek's are remembering you in our thoughts and prayers,also with tears of joy and sadness, May you find comfort and strength in God's grace
Love Marvin, Kathy, Matt, and Lisa
Craig and Jeanine-
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you, grieving with you and rejoicing with you. We cannot fathom what it must be like to experience such great joy and intense grief at the same time. May you truly feel our Lord's strength, peace and comfort during this time.
In His Hands,
Kevin and Dawn (Van Gorp)Plowman
In tears reading your post. I have been following your blog for quite a while now and praying for you as you have had such a rocky road with this pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI was on bedrest for 23 weeks with Brianna who died shortly after birth in Feb. '08, and now we have a beautiful 5 month old baby, Audrey. Remembering the grief and joy of both births makes it hard to imagine doing them both on the same day. God has carried you this far, and he will continue to carry you in the days and weeks that follow.
I will continue to pray as you navigate the ups and downs of grief as well as the joys and challenges of a newborn.
Love,
Kim (De Groot) Darling
Dear Craig and Jeanine,
ReplyDeleteWe grieve and rejoice with you simultaniously. Ellen and Lilly are close to our hearts after all those weeks following their progress. What a beautiful little girl Ellen is, we are so happy she is doing well. Congratulations on such a beautiful daughter, and you remain in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Lora (Van Steenis) Van Essen and Family