September 21, 2009
Words with pictures to follow
Monday, September 21 is another graduation day. It was a few months ago that I wrote about the first of hopefully many graduation days when we were sent home from CHoP. Today is another one of those. As I make this blog entry just to my right in her little red carseat (the carseat seems huge, but it's little) is my baby Ellen. She was discharged this afternoon after only 19 days in the hospital. This morning the nurse said it was possible she would go home and that we'd probably know by noon. Noon came and went and we had no phone call from the hospital. We called to see what was up and the nurse said the doctor was in at that very moment reading Ellen's charts. She would call as soon as she knew. An hour later the phone still had not rung. So we called them (again). The doctor had read her charts and then went to lunch. Apparently he did not know we were on the phone waiting to hear the verdict. Or he was just simply not that anxious about it. Either way, he left us in the dark. We planned to go for the 4 PM feeding anyway, and the nurse told us to bring our equipment in just in case. As soon as we walked in the door at 3:30 she said that we were headed home! So after all the paperwork, a little dress up in the clothes that I bought for her just today, and her 4:00 meal, she was loaded up (all 4 pounds, 7 ounces of her), strapped in, and her first taste of freedom was upon her. She came home with an Apnea monitor (as mentioned in an earlier post) and will have a checkup on that in one month, if not before, depending on how much she makes the alarm go off. And she has an eye checkup and an ear checkup and a heart checkup...phew. I'm sure there are more but all we need to know right now is that baby is home. Thank you God!
It is still somewhat bittersweet, knowing that we had been preparing for a double graduation today. And it is still at times difficult for us to know how to deal with both joy and sorrow at the same time. But right now, it's a contented sigh that you hear - both from the kitchen table and the kitchen chair. I'm sure there will be many more.
It is still somewhat bittersweet, knowing that we had been preparing for a double graduation today. And it is still at times difficult for us to know how to deal with both joy and sorrow at the same time. But right now, it's a contented sigh that you hear - both from the kitchen table and the kitchen chair. I'm sure there will be many more.
September 18, 2009
September 17, 2009
No Panic Button
Thursday today. That means yesterday was Wednesday. Funny how the days are now running together. Someone told me today (I think it was today...was it yesterday?) that I've joined the "what day is it" club. But now it's been confirmed. It is Thursday. No need to panic over no posts yet this week. It's just been neglected due to the re-entry into the fall church year.
Ellen is doing very well. I'm trying to remember what all has transpired with her in the last week...I'll do my best to recap. Currently she is taking all of her feedings by bottle (every three hours) and is eating 40ccs at each one. How much is that? According to online conversion calculators that is 1.35 ounces. She weighs 4 pounds 2 ounces and has been in an open air crib since early Monday afternoon. She's been able to maintain her body temperature on her own. I went for the 2 PM feeding on Monday and while giving her the bottle the doctor came in. He told me she was doing well and thought she might be ready to go home by the end of the week. Good thing I was holding her or I would have probably fallen out of the chair. It came as a complete shock as we were prepared for a long term stay. He did say she'd be sent home with an Apnea Monitor and we'd have to have a training for that. We had the training yesterday but still no affirmative word on when she'll be coming home - it sounds like Sunday at the earliest. She's becoming more and more alert when we're there which is pretty cool. And they're allowing us to bring clothes and blankets in for her so we have a few pictures of her wearing some of those things.
That leads me to where I really wanted to go here, and that's to give a great big thank you. I think Jeanine is doing her best to keep on writing personal thank-yous to everyone who has sent gifts of any kind. We've heard from countless people by email, facebook, comments on the blog, cards, phone calls, notes...I don't think I could possibly communicate how grateful we are to all of you. Your outpouring of love and care for us has been tremendous. I'd love to be able to list you all here - the Ludington gang, the Avery St. CRC, the knitting club in Pella are just a few groups of people who deserve our thanks. So if there's a bigger word that communicates more than "thank you" can, I would use it now. We're truly humbled by your care.
I promise to post some more pictures soon, but it's now 1 AM and when I started this post it was several hours ago. Good night!
Ellen is doing very well. I'm trying to remember what all has transpired with her in the last week...I'll do my best to recap. Currently she is taking all of her feedings by bottle (every three hours) and is eating 40ccs at each one. How much is that? According to online conversion calculators that is 1.35 ounces. She weighs 4 pounds 2 ounces and has been in an open air crib since early Monday afternoon. She's been able to maintain her body temperature on her own. I went for the 2 PM feeding on Monday and while giving her the bottle the doctor came in. He told me she was doing well and thought she might be ready to go home by the end of the week. Good thing I was holding her or I would have probably fallen out of the chair. It came as a complete shock as we were prepared for a long term stay. He did say she'd be sent home with an Apnea Monitor and we'd have to have a training for that. We had the training yesterday but still no affirmative word on when she'll be coming home - it sounds like Sunday at the earliest. She's becoming more and more alert when we're there which is pretty cool. And they're allowing us to bring clothes and blankets in for her so we have a few pictures of her wearing some of those things.
That leads me to where I really wanted to go here, and that's to give a great big thank you. I think Jeanine is doing her best to keep on writing personal thank-yous to everyone who has sent gifts of any kind. We've heard from countless people by email, facebook, comments on the blog, cards, phone calls, notes...I don't think I could possibly communicate how grateful we are to all of you. Your outpouring of love and care for us has been tremendous. I'd love to be able to list you all here - the Ludington gang, the Avery St. CRC, the knitting club in Pella are just a few groups of people who deserve our thanks. So if there's a bigger word that communicates more than "thank you" can, I would use it now. We're truly humbled by your care.
I promise to post some more pictures soon, but it's now 1 AM and when I started this post it was several hours ago. Good night!
September 10, 2009
A Long and Short Week
It seems like it's time to update again since another Wednesday has come and gone. This morning we had our small graveside service for Lilly. It is/was a cool day but the sun came out on our little flock as we sat and stood and listened to Psalms 121 and 139 and Luke 12. Pastor Norm Brown, a good friend of mine, conducted the service with grace and hope. Rachel Dunwoody sang "Children of the Heavenly Father" because we couldn't and we all joined her on the last phrase of the last verse because she couldn't. Jeanine commented on the power of the Scriptures and after a time of tears we were comforted by our family at our house. It was a difficult day but a necessary one and I think we all feel better having gone through it. God continues to give us what we need each day. We prayed the Lord's Prayer together and as we prayed, "Give us this day our daily bread," I remembered how about a month or two ago I had really been drawn to that request. Just enough for today, like manna in the desert.
And of course, it wouldn't be complete if we didn't tell you what was happening with Ellie. Yesterday's morning weigh-in had her at 3 pounds, 14 ounces. They did say she had a big poop so we wondered if the weigh-in was before or after that. Just thought you'd like to know. Anyway, last night the nurse had the Yankee game on the radio and although I am NOT a Yankee fan, I thought a little early infiltration of baseball in any form was acceptable. This morning the nurse attempted her first bottle feeding while Jeanine and her parents were there and she sucked that thing right down like a little pro (so I heard). She's been out from under the blue light since Sunday night, breathing on her own since last Thursday, and now gaining weight. We're cautiously optimistic that she's really doing what she needs to do and will likely be home before we know it.
Jeanine is healing slowly and I am taking a week of bereavement leave. So, hm. What more can I say except that we continue to appreciate your prayers and notes and love and we absolutely are uplifted by them. Much love to you all.
And of course, it wouldn't be complete if we didn't tell you what was happening with Ellie. Yesterday's morning weigh-in had her at 3 pounds, 14 ounces. They did say she had a big poop so we wondered if the weigh-in was before or after that. Just thought you'd like to know. Anyway, last night the nurse had the Yankee game on the radio and although I am NOT a Yankee fan, I thought a little early infiltration of baseball in any form was acceptable. This morning the nurse attempted her first bottle feeding while Jeanine and her parents were there and she sucked that thing right down like a little pro (so I heard). She's been out from under the blue light since Sunday night, breathing on her own since last Thursday, and now gaining weight. We're cautiously optimistic that she's really doing what she needs to do and will likely be home before we know it.
Jeanine is healing slowly and I am taking a week of bereavement leave. So, hm. What more can I say except that we continue to appreciate your prayers and notes and love and we absolutely are uplifted by them. Much love to you all.
September 6, 2009
Daddy's Turn
Our little girl is four days old. Unbelievable. She's still in the NICU but she's doing well, so they report to us. The CPAP has been off since Thursday and so far she's breathing well on her own. Thank goodness for those steroid shots a week ago - just in the nick of time. They tell us that she has or is about to be officially "graduated" into intermediate care, though she is still physically in the NICU. They're waiting for room in the other nursery. We've been able to hold her for a little while every day, but she's still a little bit jaundiced so she's relaxing under the blue light with her little eye cover on, getting her beauty rest. She's feisty, they tell me, and she's active. She likes to stretch out and kick. We're hoping she's not burning all the calories she needs to gain weight!
I "preached" this morning. I put it in quotation marks because I told my church that it was more of a theological reflection than a sermon. We/I reflected on the extremes of life as Heidi pointed out in one of her comments here. Right on point, thanks for that. It was also a communion Sunday which was extremely fitting and timely. Maybe I'll post my words in another post but I don't have the transcript on this computer. After church we had cupcakes that were made by one of our neighbors and I think they were a hit with everyone. Good stuff.
So here are the documented photos of my first time with my little girl. She's already melting my heart. When I walked in to see her today the nurse on duty said, "You must be Ellen's dad. She's a spitting image of you." I was pleased. Here we are.
I "preached" this morning. I put it in quotation marks because I told my church that it was more of a theological reflection than a sermon. We/I reflected on the extremes of life as Heidi pointed out in one of her comments here. Right on point, thanks for that. It was also a communion Sunday which was extremely fitting and timely. Maybe I'll post my words in another post but I don't have the transcript on this computer. After church we had cupcakes that were made by one of our neighbors and I think they were a hit with everyone. Good stuff.
So here are the documented photos of my first time with my little girl. She's already melting my heart. When I walked in to see her today the nurse on duty said, "You must be Ellen's dad. She's a spitting image of you." I was pleased. Here we are.
September 3, 2009
Skin to skin
It's a wonderful thing. Jeanine got to hold Ellie for the first time this afternoon. Here's a glimpse of that first mommy/baby encounter on the outside. Ellen is doing well, they came to do an ultrasound of her head just at the tail end of our time with her this afternoon. Results won't be available until tomorrow sometime at the earliest. Jeanine is feeling better as time goes on...hoping for a Saturday homecoming for her. God is good!
Introducing
Here she is, the newest member of the Broek family in all her glory. There are a few pictures I've kept out of public sight for fear of DYFS coming after me. They involve a little too much nudity. Without further ado...
September 2, 2009
4 hours old
Little Ellen is a beautiful little girl. I saw her about an hour ago in the NICU. One correction already - she was 3 pounds 10 ounces (I put 11 ounces on Facebook). She has some very small breathing tubes and an even small feeding tube, but they tell me she's doing well. She does have a good voice as she made it clear she did not appreciate the tubes coming out of her nose - very uncomfortable. So we sang a duet together. She is a beauty. They say she'll be here anywhere from 3 to 8 weeks, depending on her lung capacity and weight gain. Jeanine is quite nauseous from the pain med and the anesthesiology. But she's also a beauty. Early reports indicate she'll be here until Saturday (St. Joseph's, Paterson). I also spent a few moments with Lilly who also is a beauty.
What a day. How can one express such joy and grief at the same time? I'm not sure. Probably that will come in the next few days and weeks. The whole day has been a blur that we haven't had much time to process - celebrating life and preparing for a funeral at the same time.
What happened? We had our weekly Wednesday visit this morning at 9:45. On the way in we talked about needing to get Jeanine's bag ready and in the car. Little did we know we'd need it today. Into the ultrasound room where it was immediately evident something was not right. Baby A - now Ellen - had no amniotic fluid but did have a heartbeat. Baby B - Lillian - had fluid but no heartbeat. Alison (ultrasound friend) brought Dr. Garber in who confirmed what we feared and sent us to the hospital to be delivered. Somehow something ruptured...no one really knows what...but it happened in the last 24 hours...and so it was time to get Ellen out. So off we went and by 1 PM he was ready to deliver. Dr. Garber and all the people at the clinic seemed very upset - we have come to know and love them for the care they've given us over the last several months. It was a hard thing for all of us.
But God is good, we have no doubt. We trust him with life and death. We have experienced tremendous peace today and pray for the same tomorrow. And we'll keep you posted. Thanks for your love and prayers and support. Our nurse today said she can tell we are Christians. We can tell we are surrounded by you. Thank you.
What a day. How can one express such joy and grief at the same time? I'm not sure. Probably that will come in the next few days and weeks. The whole day has been a blur that we haven't had much time to process - celebrating life and preparing for a funeral at the same time.
What happened? We had our weekly Wednesday visit this morning at 9:45. On the way in we talked about needing to get Jeanine's bag ready and in the car. Little did we know we'd need it today. Into the ultrasound room where it was immediately evident something was not right. Baby A - now Ellen - had no amniotic fluid but did have a heartbeat. Baby B - Lillian - had fluid but no heartbeat. Alison (ultrasound friend) brought Dr. Garber in who confirmed what we feared and sent us to the hospital to be delivered. Somehow something ruptured...no one really knows what...but it happened in the last 24 hours...and so it was time to get Ellen out. So off we went and by 1 PM he was ready to deliver. Dr. Garber and all the people at the clinic seemed very upset - we have come to know and love them for the care they've given us over the last several months. It was a hard thing for all of us.
But God is good, we have no doubt. We trust him with life and death. We have experienced tremendous peace today and pray for the same tomorrow. And we'll keep you posted. Thanks for your love and prayers and support. Our nurse today said she can tell we are Christians. We can tell we are surrounded by you. Thank you.
Birthday
Well friends, here's a quick update with a promise for details to follow. We have a baby girl - Ellen Kopaska Broek was born at 1:43 this afternoon, 3 pounds 11 ounces. Her sister Lillian passed away sometime in the last 24 hours (we think) which is what prompted a September 2 birthday for Ellen. We need your prayers for mom and dad and Ellen who has some work to do, but seems to be doing well at this early stage. Jeanine is recovering and about to be brought to a room. She will get to see Ellen tonight, I hope to see her shortly. But like I said...more details to follow.
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